When do I Get to Go Skiing?

When I was out at my farm last saturday my favorite part was right when we were about to leave and the sun was just below the trees so the little light that was left made everything look blue from the reflections off the snow. I really think snow is one of the most beautiful things in the world and I just don’t know how I could ever live anywhere without it. That time of twilight showcases the snow, to me, in the best way possible. I wish that the world would look like that for more than a few moments each day. I’m so happy that we finally have dropped off into below freezing temperatures too and are actually getting snow. I’m always so afraid of having a green christmas because it just never feels like christmas without the snow on the ground.
Christmas Eve is the greatest holiday and it always goes by way to fast. The “waifs and strays” party (as Gogo calls it) is always so fun and its great to catch up with all the friends and family that we only tend to see once a year. My sister and I have been going to the candlelight midnight service at our church the past few years as well and its the perfect end to the night.
I already got a pretty great christmas present in the form of an apology e-mail from a certain teacher who has now promised me an A instead of something less than I deserve. I’m really glad that my hard work from the semester ultimately paid off and it’s already giving me more motivation for this final semester. Especially since I might actually pull off a 4.0 which is a first ever for me and now I would like that to happen two consecutive times in a row.
So far this break has been kinda dull and I literally spent this past week sleeping. But I did start going to the gym everyday too. Its funny though because my entire day is spent sleeping, gym, shower, eat and sleep more. I should be able to have more time to do things but for some reason the whole gym process ends up taking forever when I only actually spend an hour there.
I did do a few other things too, I’ve been going to Spot on Elmwood to read (shamelessly finishing the last two of the Twilight series in two days), good I guess, but reflecting on them super corny after the previous stuff I had been reading. I find that I can’t just sit in my room and read all the time, plus I enjoy sipping on a cup of coffee. I really like being out around a bunch of people. I’ve been such an observer lately, not that I wasn’t before, but I just find people so interesting. Just call me a big creeper.
I hope to go skiing a bunch this week. Its looking like I will have a good chance of that since I’m only working monday and tuesday night.
Anyways, I’m thrilled with the snow, happy about the upcoming holidays and excited for 2009. Happy Holidays!

Thankful

Working at Target this year really makes me appreciate a lot of things in my life. I'm so proud of all my friends who are in school working towards a degree so that they can do what they want to do. I can never imagine living a life where my job was a job. It is one thing right now to be doing that through school because I have the future to look forward to. I just really don't know how people spend their entire lives working a job where they are just running out the clock. Another thing from today that drove me insane was the amount of people who spend hundreds of dollars on video games. No offense to the gaming nerds, but really? Do you really need to waste that money on a game? I 100% condone illegally downloading games because I don't believe anyone should ever waste that much money on such a time killer. Seriously though I'm just really lucky to be able to go to school for what I love. Not being able to be creative would kill me, art is my life.
Some more obsessions for the day include; flannel (i found this great lined flannel which i'm obviously rocking because it was freezing today, its just the L.L. Bean side of me that i will never be able to completely grow out of), headphones (the big goofy sony ones...on sale for $18 at target this week and they don't hurt my ears like the earbuds do!), the Sally Mann documentary "What Remains" (I basically want to be her, living on a farm and doing what she does is really my ultimate dream), reading (I'm still working my way through Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers its really great so far and I'm going back through and reading the theory books that I blew off when I shouldn't have, I really need to gain more perspective when it comes to talking about my art, so On Photography by Susan Sontag has been traveling around with me lately and I'm surprisingly making sense of it this time.) annie's cheddar bunnies (just eat them and you will become obsessed too), emergen-c (acai berry flavor) its a really nice purple color when mixed, being in the photo lab (i think i have nostalgia/addiction problems with this place right now. it really has become my home, plus I'm afraid of change and want to spend all the time i can where i feel most at home.)
I had to talk with some administrative people today about unfair grading for a certain class. The more I have to talk about it with other people and the more I see my work, the less I feel like I have, even though I know I grew tremendously as a person and an artist this semester. I need to learn how to have more confidence and how to defend my work. This is an on-going battle with myself that I am determined to conquer before starting my final semester.
I have been getting the "What is going to happen to you when you graduate?" question a lot. My response has become mindlessly droned out to all of these answer seekers, but in reality I really hope my plan comes true. The interview weekend in Maine is the first weekend of April, I have started to work on a portfolio and plan to make it for the next few months. I think I am more afraid of not being able to handle moving than of not getting the job. I need this more than anything, I have spent too many years here in Buffalo surrounded by the same stuff. I need to leave and experience something new I really just don't want to pull a freshman year sam and fuck it all up. I know I am strong enough this time around but the thought of that is the one thing that constantly haunts my mind. More so now that the reality of graduation is only 5 months away...
No Target again until Sunday, thankfully. I just need to spend the next few days devoting myself to making art. My schedule has become so messed up without having classes, I have no perception of time anymore. It also needs to snow more, these couple inches are such a tease, I'm excited for when it can be measured in feet.

Obsessions

The Semester is over, except for a a few projects that I need to finish up and my on-going experimentations for senior thesis. I've been really frustrated lately because I have been trapped in my head. I think I have good ideas but I feel stupid because I don't know how to explain how I feel about anything, I am just unable to formulate the words. I need to stop worrying about it because it makes it worse, but I just hate feeling so dumb.
I worked again at target today, it wasn't terrible. I just keep reminding myself how great it will be when I finally get a paycheck.
I'm sad that the semester is done, I like school and I always dread winter break. I always end up feeling like the only purpose I have during that month is to work, however this time I plan on spending a lot of time in the lab on my own work and making it a very productive break. Plus I have big plans to get back in shape, so lets see how that pans out...
So recently I have been obsessed with these things...
The Killers new cd "Day and Age"...I have just been listening to it over and over on repeat, I don't know what it is about them but they are fantastic I can't wait to see them in Boston in January. Also great album artwork on this new cd.
Ratatat...instrumental music is my first music love so obviously I'm addicted, plus its got that electronica feel which I'm into.
Interpol...the lead singers voice is so captivating, I can't stop listening. Plus they have a sick website, I'm really into their background photos which look like they were taken in a museum of natural history.
Owls, I still have all those cut outs from my field guide from earlier this semester I need to do something with them.
Coffee, I never used to be able to drink it and now I'm addicted. Its not about the caffeine, cause I know I can go a day without it, its just something about the experience of getting coffee, its a soothing event.
Snow, I'm so glad it finally got cold out, I love getting bundled up and seeing the ground all white. Which leads me to my recent obsession with wool sweaters, flannel shirts, tall socks and boots. I love everything about winter and winter clothes, and my mom's old school wool sweaters are my favorite things to wear right now, I just need to find a decent pair of boots because I walk like Ebenezer Scrooge in the ones I have recently been sporting.
I'm also infatuated with Sally Mann's work again.
4 x 5 Film, aesthetically I find it to be the most pleasing way for me to take photographs at the moment, though Holga is still up there as well. I need to shoot a lot more, I think I have some good ideas brewing around right now.
I think thats all I've got for now. Closing at target again tomorrow, visits would be awesome.