Thankful

Working at Target this year really makes me appreciate a lot of things in my life. I'm so proud of all my friends who are in school working towards a degree so that they can do what they want to do. I can never imagine living a life where my job was a job. It is one thing right now to be doing that through school because I have the future to look forward to. I just really don't know how people spend their entire lives working a job where they are just running out the clock. Another thing from today that drove me insane was the amount of people who spend hundreds of dollars on video games. No offense to the gaming nerds, but really? Do you really need to waste that money on a game? I 100% condone illegally downloading games because I don't believe anyone should ever waste that much money on such a time killer. Seriously though I'm just really lucky to be able to go to school for what I love. Not being able to be creative would kill me, art is my life.
Some more obsessions for the day include; flannel (i found this great lined flannel which i'm obviously rocking because it was freezing today, its just the L.L. Bean side of me that i will never be able to completely grow out of), headphones (the big goofy sony ones...on sale for $18 at target this week and they don't hurt my ears like the earbuds do!), the Sally Mann documentary "What Remains" (I basically want to be her, living on a farm and doing what she does is really my ultimate dream), reading (I'm still working my way through Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers its really great so far and I'm going back through and reading the theory books that I blew off when I shouldn't have, I really need to gain more perspective when it comes to talking about my art, so On Photography by Susan Sontag has been traveling around with me lately and I'm surprisingly making sense of it this time.) annie's cheddar bunnies (just eat them and you will become obsessed too), emergen-c (acai berry flavor) its a really nice purple color when mixed, being in the photo lab (i think i have nostalgia/addiction problems with this place right now. it really has become my home, plus I'm afraid of change and want to spend all the time i can where i feel most at home.)
I had to talk with some administrative people today about unfair grading for a certain class. The more I have to talk about it with other people and the more I see my work, the less I feel like I have, even though I know I grew tremendously as a person and an artist this semester. I need to learn how to have more confidence and how to defend my work. This is an on-going battle with myself that I am determined to conquer before starting my final semester.
I have been getting the "What is going to happen to you when you graduate?" question a lot. My response has become mindlessly droned out to all of these answer seekers, but in reality I really hope my plan comes true. The interview weekend in Maine is the first weekend of April, I have started to work on a portfolio and plan to make it for the next few months. I think I am more afraid of not being able to handle moving than of not getting the job. I need this more than anything, I have spent too many years here in Buffalo surrounded by the same stuff. I need to leave and experience something new I really just don't want to pull a freshman year sam and fuck it all up. I know I am strong enough this time around but the thought of that is the one thing that constantly haunts my mind. More so now that the reality of graduation is only 5 months away...
No Target again until Sunday, thankfully. I just need to spend the next few days devoting myself to making art. My schedule has become so messed up without having classes, I have no perception of time anymore. It also needs to snow more, these couple inches are such a tease, I'm excited for when it can be measured in feet.