There is this beeping noise that keeps going off in my room every few minutes. I can hear where it's coming from but I can't figure out what the hell it is since nothing near the noise is electronics of any sorts which just leads me to believe the theory that my landlord has hidden cameras in our house even more.
The noise the fan in the bathroom makes when you turn on the light is insanely loud as well as the bathroom door every time it is opened and closed. I have always needed complete silence and darkness to sleep and could never have the television or anything on to bother me. I have not had a problem falling asleep here until recently, but in the past few weeks I can't sleep. It's either my roommates talking, playing loud music, watching loud movies or the multitude of little noises that seem to have magnified themselves in my head, like the noise of the cars from the 990.
I don't know what has made me such a grump, I'm just frustrated with so many things and having my sleep patterns disturbed has just caused me to be on the verge of screaming frequently.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Loathing
Right now I'm seriously loathing a lot of things. I hate my living situation. No offense to everyone I live with, honestly though can anyone else deal with the fucking mess we always seem to have in the kitchen and the fact that everything just seems gross all the time. We could also talk about the fact that the third floor seems to have absolutely zero water pressure so my hair feels like there is shampoo in it all the time no matter how long I rinse it out, there is only so much time that I can spend in the shower. The kicker might be the alarm clock that was going off in my roommates room for three days that was battery operated and screwed closed and wouldn't turn off. The large groups of tours that my landlord keeps bringing through the house doesn't help matters either, I love it when i am sitting in my room in sweats and fifteen boys walk in to see what it looks like and off course no one bothers to take their shoes off despite the fact its been snowing for days making every surface wet with slush.
I'm mad that I have not been skiing yet either. It's not fair that my dad and sister work at KB and every year I was able to get a free seasons pass but now that I'm 22 it's impossible for my dad to even get me a day pass. I hate not having money. At least I was finally able to quit Target. Financially it probably wasn't the best idea but I could care less. Its not like I would have been making more than $40 a week there anyway. I think I need to drop documentary photo so that I can get another job. I want to take that class but I have already been stressing out about a subject for it and the second week of school hasn't even started. I only need three credits to graduate and I'm enrolled in 17. I think I need to just do what I really need/want so I don't have a panic attack.
I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do when I graduate. I have some ideas, I'm just afraid for things not working out the way I want them too. Plus the more I think about it going to grad school around here would be so much better for my situation, and I would really just like to live in my mom's studio. That house is in such a good location for me.
Growing up is just completely freaking me out today, and I even got an extra year to do it.
I'm mad that I have not been skiing yet either. It's not fair that my dad and sister work at KB and every year I was able to get a free seasons pass but now that I'm 22 it's impossible for my dad to even get me a day pass. I hate not having money. At least I was finally able to quit Target. Financially it probably wasn't the best idea but I could care less. Its not like I would have been making more than $40 a week there anyway. I think I need to drop documentary photo so that I can get another job. I want to take that class but I have already been stressing out about a subject for it and the second week of school hasn't even started. I only need three credits to graduate and I'm enrolled in 17. I think I need to just do what I really need/want so I don't have a panic attack.
I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do when I graduate. I have some ideas, I'm just afraid for things not working out the way I want them too. Plus the more I think about it going to grad school around here would be so much better for my situation, and I would really just like to live in my mom's studio. That house is in such a good location for me.
Growing up is just completely freaking me out today, and I even got an extra year to do it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Gym
The fitness center in alumni one of the most ridiculous places ever. I like to go up and run on the treadmill so I can look down on all the people lifting weights. Some people seriously have no clue what is going on. Its hilarious.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Tea
Tea (green tea to be more precise) has become my new obsession. I have been drinking five - six cups a day. Its a much more healthy obsession than my coffee one. Coffee starts to make me feel sick after a while, I guess its good I still equate it to dessert too, so when I have it its been for after dinner instead. Green tea though is the best. I've been getting the Bigelow brand from Wegmans and my favorites are Jasmine Green, Earl Grey Green and Constant Comment Green. I also really want to try this one by The Republic of Tea called Get Growing. It is supposed to stimulate hair growth and I really want my hair to be long again. Its most likely just some sort of gimmick but sometimes I would like to have faith considering every time I think about the day I cut all my hair off I feel nauseous. I still can't believe I did that. Pretty much the worst decision I made in 2008, shallow as that may seem, I'm just really upset by my short hair. At least its grown about an inch and half since I cut it and now I know that having short hair is not something that I like.
I can't believe it is already 2009 and that school starts in a week. Im excited for classes to begin though I didn't get anything done that I wanted to this break. My two day sleep at home for christmas has turned into a three week stay. I have not even been back to my house and I've been living off the minimal clothes I brought home for those couple nights, proving the point to myself even more that I don't really need any of the material things that I have surrounding me at my house. However, as much as I like spending all the time that I have spent with my family I hate how its like a black hole at home where I want to do nothing except lounge around and watch movies with my sisters. I still have not even developed the film that I shot the first week of break and I get lazy about going to the gym when it takes me 20 mins to get to alumni as opposed to three. I'm glad its been fairly decent outside because I've gotten some good three mile runs in the past couple weeks.
The last few days I've had this weird dizzy thing going on, the result of a sinus thing? I don't know but its annoying and I missed my first chance to go skiing this Saturday because of it and left work early today. Oh well.
Despite that I'm hoping for a pretty fantastic 2009. I'm excited about my last semester and maybe this time I will pull off a 4.0...I can't believe I just missed it last semester. Damn those .2 points lost in History of Graphic Design.
I've got a lot to look forward to and I'm excited to see everyone back at school next monday. Until then go drink a cup of green tea, its delicious.
I can't believe it is already 2009 and that school starts in a week. Im excited for classes to begin though I didn't get anything done that I wanted to this break. My two day sleep at home for christmas has turned into a three week stay. I have not even been back to my house and I've been living off the minimal clothes I brought home for those couple nights, proving the point to myself even more that I don't really need any of the material things that I have surrounding me at my house. However, as much as I like spending all the time that I have spent with my family I hate how its like a black hole at home where I want to do nothing except lounge around and watch movies with my sisters. I still have not even developed the film that I shot the first week of break and I get lazy about going to the gym when it takes me 20 mins to get to alumni as opposed to three. I'm glad its been fairly decent outside because I've gotten some good three mile runs in the past couple weeks.
The last few days I've had this weird dizzy thing going on, the result of a sinus thing? I don't know but its annoying and I missed my first chance to go skiing this Saturday because of it and left work early today. Oh well.
Despite that I'm hoping for a pretty fantastic 2009. I'm excited about my last semester and maybe this time I will pull off a 4.0...I can't believe I just missed it last semester. Damn those .2 points lost in History of Graphic Design.
I've got a lot to look forward to and I'm excited to see everyone back at school next monday. Until then go drink a cup of green tea, its delicious.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
When do I Get to Go Skiing?
When I was out at my farm last saturday my favorite part was right when we were about to leave and the sun was just below the trees so the little light that was left made everything look blue from the reflections off the snow. I really think snow is one of the most beautiful things in the world and I just don’t know how I could ever live anywhere without it. That time of twilight showcases the snow, to me, in the best way possible. I wish that the world would look like that for more than a few moments each day. I’m so happy that we finally have dropped off into below freezing temperatures too and are actually getting snow. I’m always so afraid of having a green christmas because it just never feels like christmas without the snow on the ground.
Christmas Eve is the greatest holiday and it always goes by way to fast. The “waifs and strays” party (as Gogo calls it) is always so fun and its great to catch up with all the friends and family that we only tend to see once a year. My sister and I have been going to the candlelight midnight service at our church the past few years as well and its the perfect end to the night.
I already got a pretty great christmas present in the form of an apology e-mail from a certain teacher who has now promised me an A instead of something less than I deserve. I’m really glad that my hard work from the semester ultimately paid off and it’s already giving me more motivation for this final semester. Especially since I might actually pull off a 4.0 which is a first ever for me and now I would like that to happen two consecutive times in a row.
So far this break has been kinda dull and I literally spent this past week sleeping. But I did start going to the gym everyday too. Its funny though because my entire day is spent sleeping, gym, shower, eat and sleep more. I should be able to have more time to do things but for some reason the whole gym process ends up taking forever when I only actually spend an hour there.
I did do a few other things too, I’ve been going to Spot on Elmwood to read (shamelessly finishing the last two of the Twilight series in two days), good I guess, but reflecting on them super corny after the previous stuff I had been reading. I find that I can’t just sit in my room and read all the time, plus I enjoy sipping on a cup of coffee. I really like being out around a bunch of people. I’ve been such an observer lately, not that I wasn’t before, but I just find people so interesting. Just call me a big creeper.
I hope to go skiing a bunch this week. Its looking like I will have a good chance of that since I’m only working monday and tuesday night.
Anyways, I’m thrilled with the snow, happy about the upcoming holidays and excited for 2009. Happy Holidays!
Christmas Eve is the greatest holiday and it always goes by way to fast. The “waifs and strays” party (as Gogo calls it) is always so fun and its great to catch up with all the friends and family that we only tend to see once a year. My sister and I have been going to the candlelight midnight service at our church the past few years as well and its the perfect end to the night.
I already got a pretty great christmas present in the form of an apology e-mail from a certain teacher who has now promised me an A instead of something less than I deserve. I’m really glad that my hard work from the semester ultimately paid off and it’s already giving me more motivation for this final semester. Especially since I might actually pull off a 4.0 which is a first ever for me and now I would like that to happen two consecutive times in a row.
So far this break has been kinda dull and I literally spent this past week sleeping. But I did start going to the gym everyday too. Its funny though because my entire day is spent sleeping, gym, shower, eat and sleep more. I should be able to have more time to do things but for some reason the whole gym process ends up taking forever when I only actually spend an hour there.
I did do a few other things too, I’ve been going to Spot on Elmwood to read (shamelessly finishing the last two of the Twilight series in two days), good I guess, but reflecting on them super corny after the previous stuff I had been reading. I find that I can’t just sit in my room and read all the time, plus I enjoy sipping on a cup of coffee. I really like being out around a bunch of people. I’ve been such an observer lately, not that I wasn’t before, but I just find people so interesting. Just call me a big creeper.
I hope to go skiing a bunch this week. Its looking like I will have a good chance of that since I’m only working monday and tuesday night.
Anyways, I’m thrilled with the snow, happy about the upcoming holidays and excited for 2009. Happy Holidays!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Thankful
Working at Target this year really makes me appreciate a lot of things in my life. I'm so proud of all my friends who are in school working towards a degree so that they can do what they want to do. I can never imagine living a life where my job was a job. It is one thing right now to be doing that through school because I have the future to look forward to. I just really don't know how people spend their entire lives working a job where they are just running out the clock. Another thing from today that drove me insane was the amount of people who spend hundreds of dollars on video games. No offense to the gaming nerds, but really? Do you really need to waste that money on a game? I 100% condone illegally downloading games because I don't believe anyone should ever waste that much money on such a time killer. Seriously though I'm just really lucky to be able to go to school for what I love. Not being able to be creative would kill me, art is my life.
Some more obsessions for the day include; flannel (i found this great lined flannel which i'm obviously rocking because it was freezing today, its just the L.L. Bean side of me that i will never be able to completely grow out of), headphones (the big goofy sony ones...on sale for $18 at target this week and they don't hurt my ears like the earbuds do!), the Sally Mann documentary "What Remains" (I basically want to be her, living on a farm and doing what she does is really my ultimate dream), reading (I'm still working my way through Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers its really great so far and I'm going back through and reading the theory books that I blew off when I shouldn't have, I really need to gain more perspective when it comes to talking about my art, so On Photography by Susan Sontag has been traveling around with me lately and I'm surprisingly making sense of it this time.) annie's cheddar bunnies (just eat them and you will become obsessed too), emergen-c (acai berry flavor) its a really nice purple color when mixed, being in the photo lab (i think i have nostalgia/addiction problems with this place right now. it really has become my home, plus I'm afraid of change and want to spend all the time i can where i feel most at home.)
I had to talk with some administrative people today about unfair grading for a certain class. The more I have to talk about it with other people and the more I see my work, the less I feel like I have, even though I know I grew tremendously as a person and an artist this semester. I need to learn how to have more confidence and how to defend my work. This is an on-going battle with myself that I am determined to conquer before starting my final semester.
I have been getting the "What is going to happen to you when you graduate?" question a lot. My response has become mindlessly droned out to all of these answer seekers, but in reality I really hope my plan comes true. The interview weekend in Maine is the first weekend of April, I have started to work on a portfolio and plan to make it for the next few months. I think I am more afraid of not being able to handle moving than of not getting the job. I need this more than anything, I have spent too many years here in Buffalo surrounded by the same stuff. I need to leave and experience something new I really just don't want to pull a freshman year sam and fuck it all up. I know I am strong enough this time around but the thought of that is the one thing that constantly haunts my mind. More so now that the reality of graduation is only 5 months away...
No Target again until Sunday, thankfully. I just need to spend the next few days devoting myself to making art. My schedule has become so messed up without having classes, I have no perception of time anymore. It also needs to snow more, these couple inches are such a tease, I'm excited for when it can be measured in feet.
Some more obsessions for the day include; flannel (i found this great lined flannel which i'm obviously rocking because it was freezing today, its just the L.L. Bean side of me that i will never be able to completely grow out of), headphones (the big goofy sony ones...on sale for $18 at target this week and they don't hurt my ears like the earbuds do!), the Sally Mann documentary "What Remains" (I basically want to be her, living on a farm and doing what she does is really my ultimate dream), reading (I'm still working my way through Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers its really great so far and I'm going back through and reading the theory books that I blew off when I shouldn't have, I really need to gain more perspective when it comes to talking about my art, so On Photography by Susan Sontag has been traveling around with me lately and I'm surprisingly making sense of it this time.) annie's cheddar bunnies (just eat them and you will become obsessed too), emergen-c (acai berry flavor) its a really nice purple color when mixed, being in the photo lab (i think i have nostalgia/addiction problems with this place right now. it really has become my home, plus I'm afraid of change and want to spend all the time i can where i feel most at home.)
I had to talk with some administrative people today about unfair grading for a certain class. The more I have to talk about it with other people and the more I see my work, the less I feel like I have, even though I know I grew tremendously as a person and an artist this semester. I need to learn how to have more confidence and how to defend my work. This is an on-going battle with myself that I am determined to conquer before starting my final semester.
I have been getting the "What is going to happen to you when you graduate?" question a lot. My response has become mindlessly droned out to all of these answer seekers, but in reality I really hope my plan comes true. The interview weekend in Maine is the first weekend of April, I have started to work on a portfolio and plan to make it for the next few months. I think I am more afraid of not being able to handle moving than of not getting the job. I need this more than anything, I have spent too many years here in Buffalo surrounded by the same stuff. I need to leave and experience something new I really just don't want to pull a freshman year sam and fuck it all up. I know I am strong enough this time around but the thought of that is the one thing that constantly haunts my mind. More so now that the reality of graduation is only 5 months away...
No Target again until Sunday, thankfully. I just need to spend the next few days devoting myself to making art. My schedule has become so messed up without having classes, I have no perception of time anymore. It also needs to snow more, these couple inches are such a tease, I'm excited for when it can be measured in feet.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Obsessions
The Semester is over, except for a a few projects that I need to finish up and my on-going experimentations for senior thesis. I've been really frustrated lately because I have been trapped in my head. I think I have good ideas but I feel stupid because I don't know how to explain how I feel about anything, I am just unable to formulate the words. I need to stop worrying about it because it makes it worse, but I just hate feeling so dumb.
I worked again at target today, it wasn't terrible. I just keep reminding myself how great it will be when I finally get a paycheck.
I'm sad that the semester is done, I like school and I always dread winter break. I always end up feeling like the only purpose I have during that month is to work, however this time I plan on spending a lot of time in the lab on my own work and making it a very productive break. Plus I have big plans to get back in shape, so lets see how that pans out...
So recently I have been obsessed with these things...
The Killers new cd "Day and Age"...I have just been listening to it over and over on repeat, I don't know what it is about them but they are fantastic I can't wait to see them in Boston in January. Also great album artwork on this new cd.
Ratatat...instrumental music is my first music love so obviously I'm addicted, plus its got that electronica feel which I'm into.
Interpol...the lead singers voice is so captivating, I can't stop listening. Plus they have a sick website, I'm really into their background photos which look like they were taken in a museum of natural history.
Owls, I still have all those cut outs from my field guide from earlier this semester I need to do something with them.
Coffee, I never used to be able to drink it and now I'm addicted. Its not about the caffeine, cause I know I can go a day without it, its just something about the experience of getting coffee, its a soothing event.
Snow, I'm so glad it finally got cold out, I love getting bundled up and seeing the ground all white. Which leads me to my recent obsession with wool sweaters, flannel shirts, tall socks and boots. I love everything about winter and winter clothes, and my mom's old school wool sweaters are my favorite things to wear right now, I just need to find a decent pair of boots because I walk like Ebenezer Scrooge in the ones I have recently been sporting.
I'm also infatuated with Sally Mann's work again.
4 x 5 Film, aesthetically I find it to be the most pleasing way for me to take photographs at the moment, though Holga is still up there as well. I need to shoot a lot more, I think I have some good ideas brewing around right now.
I think thats all I've got for now. Closing at target again tomorrow, visits would be awesome.
I worked again at target today, it wasn't terrible. I just keep reminding myself how great it will be when I finally get a paycheck.
I'm sad that the semester is done, I like school and I always dread winter break. I always end up feeling like the only purpose I have during that month is to work, however this time I plan on spending a lot of time in the lab on my own work and making it a very productive break. Plus I have big plans to get back in shape, so lets see how that pans out...
So recently I have been obsessed with these things...
The Killers new cd "Day and Age"...I have just been listening to it over and over on repeat, I don't know what it is about them but they are fantastic I can't wait to see them in Boston in January. Also great album artwork on this new cd.
Ratatat...instrumental music is my first music love so obviously I'm addicted, plus its got that electronica feel which I'm into.
Interpol...the lead singers voice is so captivating, I can't stop listening. Plus they have a sick website, I'm really into their background photos which look like they were taken in a museum of natural history.
Owls, I still have all those cut outs from my field guide from earlier this semester I need to do something with them.
Coffee, I never used to be able to drink it and now I'm addicted. Its not about the caffeine, cause I know I can go a day without it, its just something about the experience of getting coffee, its a soothing event.
Snow, I'm so glad it finally got cold out, I love getting bundled up and seeing the ground all white. Which leads me to my recent obsession with wool sweaters, flannel shirts, tall socks and boots. I love everything about winter and winter clothes, and my mom's old school wool sweaters are my favorite things to wear right now, I just need to find a decent pair of boots because I walk like Ebenezer Scrooge in the ones I have recently been sporting.
I'm also infatuated with Sally Mann's work again.
4 x 5 Film, aesthetically I find it to be the most pleasing way for me to take photographs at the moment, though Holga is still up there as well. I need to shoot a lot more, I think I have some good ideas brewing around right now.
I think thats all I've got for now. Closing at target again tomorrow, visits would be awesome.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
