Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;
There is a rapture on the lonely shore;
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.
-Lord Byron

Sometimes I wish I could live somewhere that I could breath fresh air, run through the woods, swim in a lake and hear true silence. I just have this strong craving for the natural world and to sleep under the stars in my old green sleeping bag.
My thoughts have been turned to the recent tragedy this week, it has made me wonder how come things like this happen all over the world and we never expect them to happen here. I also wonder why the day after something horrible happens the world is so clear, sunny and perfect. It makes the previous day so surreal. I remember the day after 9/11 to be like that. We had soccer practice and it was one of the nicest days we'd had all season. Being on the field looking up in the sky to see no planes anywhere had been the most bizarre part, however its almost as if the world knows we need something to make us forget the tragedy we just experienced so it throws us a beautiful day to make us question the reality of what had happened. Yesterday was one of those days, its also a day that tests the invincibility of your soul. One of my sister's best friend's father was on the flight. I hate seeing people that are close to me hurt. I always wish there was something I could do to make the pain disappear, the best I know how to do is to show my strength so they can feel some source of stability to turn too. The one thing I truly hope is that in a tragic unstoppable situation there is a higher force that just takes the souls of all the people before impact. What goes through the minds of the people, it just horrifies me.
I have always had this invincibility complex that I think nothing bad can ever happen to me and that I have the ability to protect everyone who is close to me. I think one of the main reasons I have been so drawn to empty spaces is that when I'm there I only have myself to protect and I am free to observe without worry of others. I like the serene calmness of places that may normally be busy. I observe and notice way to many things, my senses become overloaded in crowds, I prefer to be in open spaces seeing them for only me. This post is probably making little sense but I have just been thinking about so many things.

Silence is Golden

I have been pining for the silence of the Adirondacks, It is the most amazing thing in the world to fall asleep in quite so silent it is deafening. I have always had a thing for silence. I can't fall asleep with the tv or music on and I drive my car without any music playing frequently. I enjoy having time to think and not have my mind be distracted by other sounds. Plus music deserves more attention than my brain can give it sometimes.

Driving in the rain is something I got to experience today that has not happened in a while. Its so cool when the ground is so wet its like a mirror at night I love being at red lights and looking at the road under the car in front of me because it perfectly reflects the underside of the car onto the road and it looks so sweet. I wish I could figure out a way to photograph it.

I also decided today I should have lived in the 40s 50s or 60s, I don't feel like i'm a child of this century, I think I would have fit in better in those decades.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-Robert Frost

I love this poem, I have had it memorized since seventh grade with Ms. Barends when we read The Outsiders. I have been thinking about it alot lately. Sunrise is my absolute favorite part of the day so its extremely funny to me that I never actually witness it. The whole world is bathed in this transient golden hue and it is the only time I am ever able to take color photographs that I am pleased with. Wow, I sound so idiotic right now, but I have really been craving the moments of sunrise lately. There is nothing more peaceful and invigorating than going out for a run at that time of morning. That being said I can't wait for the permanent switch from winter to spring and for my achilles to be healed. Then I will be able to experience the outside sunrise running euphoria.

It seems so unreal that I'm already in the fifth week of the spring semester. I shudder to think of how little time I have to get my portfolio and thesis project ready. I'm barely taking any classes but have been doing more work than ever. Ironically though its because I have become more interested and devoted to what I do than in any other semester so I just work on things all the time. I have become rather taken with the works of Edward Burtynsky and Eugene Richards lately. If I could only be so talented, now that would be amazing.
This post has been rather jumpy in thought most likely due to my recent restlessness. I'm in limbo and feel no place of comfort. I'm most at ease during my midnight photo adventures in dark corners, fields and abandoned suburban sprawls. I keep feeling a draw back to shoot at my old high school and family farm while I cannot for the life of me figure out why.
I need to think about this.

Typical

I have achilles tendonitis and I might be allergic to wheat, therefore I can't eat run for a week (or two) or eat good tasting bread/cookies/cereal/bagels aka most of my daily diet for two weeks (or forever, if it turns out its bad for me). These next few weeks will be interesting.
I'm mad I have been spending most of my time just venting on this thing but keeping it in just makes it worse. I'm mostly upset about not being able to run because it has been a huge stress outlet for me and its so frustrating that whenever I finally get into a good rhythm of running I always end up injuring myself causing huge discouragement. Last year at this time it was a stress fracture. At least I have been super conscious of treating this stupid achilles thing so hopefully I won't be out of commission for too long. I guess I will be spending a lot of time on the bike/possibly swimming for the next few weeks. As for the wheat situation I suppose that will be a good things since I will be eating a lot more fruits and veggies and protein since thats pretty much all I can have, so being sidelined won't cause me to gain any poundage. Grrrr, this is really one of those weeks where I would just like to scream multiple obscenities at the top of my lungs.
I'm glad I have skiing this weekend to look forward too, I still can't believe I have not been out yet this year. I can't wait.