When I was out at my farm last saturday my favorite part was right when we were about to leave and the sun was just below the trees so the little light that was left made everything look blue from the reflections off the snow. I really think snow is one of the most beautiful things in the world and I just don’t know how I could ever live anywhere without it. That time of twilight showcases the snow, to me, in the best way possible. I wish that the world would look like that for more than a few moments each day. I’m so happy that we finally have dropped off into below freezing temperatures too and are actually getting snow. I’m always so afraid of having a green christmas because it just never feels like christmas without the snow on the ground.
Christmas Eve is the greatest holiday and it always goes by way to fast. The “waifs and strays” party (as Gogo calls it) is always so fun and its great to catch up with all the friends and family that we only tend to see once a year. My sister and I have been going to the candlelight midnight service at our church the past few years as well and its the perfect end to the night.
I already got a pretty great christmas present in the form of an apology e-mail from a certain teacher who has now promised me an A instead of something less than I deserve. I’m really glad that my hard work from the semester ultimately paid off and it’s already giving me more motivation for this final semester. Especially since I might actually pull off a 4.0 which is a first ever for me and now I would like that to happen two consecutive times in a row.
So far this break has been kinda dull and I literally spent this past week sleeping. But I did start going to the gym everyday too. Its funny though because my entire day is spent sleeping, gym, shower, eat and sleep more. I should be able to have more time to do things but for some reason the whole gym process ends up taking forever when I only actually spend an hour there.
I did do a few other things too, I’ve been going to Spot on Elmwood to read (shamelessly finishing the last two of the Twilight series in two days), good I guess, but reflecting on them super corny after the previous stuff I had been reading. I find that I can’t just sit in my room and read all the time, plus I enjoy sipping on a cup of coffee. I really like being out around a bunch of people. I’ve been such an observer lately, not that I wasn’t before, but I just find people so interesting. Just call me a big creeper.
I hope to go skiing a bunch this week. Its looking like I will have a good chance of that since I’m only working monday and tuesday night.
Anyways, I’m thrilled with the snow, happy about the upcoming holidays and excited for 2009. Happy Holidays!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Thankful
Working at Target this year really makes me appreciate a lot of things in my life. I'm so proud of all my friends who are in school working towards a degree so that they can do what they want to do. I can never imagine living a life where my job was a job. It is one thing right now to be doing that through school because I have the future to look forward to. I just really don't know how people spend their entire lives working a job where they are just running out the clock. Another thing from today that drove me insane was the amount of people who spend hundreds of dollars on video games. No offense to the gaming nerds, but really? Do you really need to waste that money on a game? I 100% condone illegally downloading games because I don't believe anyone should ever waste that much money on such a time killer. Seriously though I'm just really lucky to be able to go to school for what I love. Not being able to be creative would kill me, art is my life.
Some more obsessions for the day include; flannel (i found this great lined flannel which i'm obviously rocking because it was freezing today, its just the L.L. Bean side of me that i will never be able to completely grow out of), headphones (the big goofy sony ones...on sale for $18 at target this week and they don't hurt my ears like the earbuds do!), the Sally Mann documentary "What Remains" (I basically want to be her, living on a farm and doing what she does is really my ultimate dream), reading (I'm still working my way through Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers its really great so far and I'm going back through and reading the theory books that I blew off when I shouldn't have, I really need to gain more perspective when it comes to talking about my art, so On Photography by Susan Sontag has been traveling around with me lately and I'm surprisingly making sense of it this time.) annie's cheddar bunnies (just eat them and you will become obsessed too), emergen-c (acai berry flavor) its a really nice purple color when mixed, being in the photo lab (i think i have nostalgia/addiction problems with this place right now. it really has become my home, plus I'm afraid of change and want to spend all the time i can where i feel most at home.)
I had to talk with some administrative people today about unfair grading for a certain class. The more I have to talk about it with other people and the more I see my work, the less I feel like I have, even though I know I grew tremendously as a person and an artist this semester. I need to learn how to have more confidence and how to defend my work. This is an on-going battle with myself that I am determined to conquer before starting my final semester.
I have been getting the "What is going to happen to you when you graduate?" question a lot. My response has become mindlessly droned out to all of these answer seekers, but in reality I really hope my plan comes true. The interview weekend in Maine is the first weekend of April, I have started to work on a portfolio and plan to make it for the next few months. I think I am more afraid of not being able to handle moving than of not getting the job. I need this more than anything, I have spent too many years here in Buffalo surrounded by the same stuff. I need to leave and experience something new I really just don't want to pull a freshman year sam and fuck it all up. I know I am strong enough this time around but the thought of that is the one thing that constantly haunts my mind. More so now that the reality of graduation is only 5 months away...
No Target again until Sunday, thankfully. I just need to spend the next few days devoting myself to making art. My schedule has become so messed up without having classes, I have no perception of time anymore. It also needs to snow more, these couple inches are such a tease, I'm excited for when it can be measured in feet.
Some more obsessions for the day include; flannel (i found this great lined flannel which i'm obviously rocking because it was freezing today, its just the L.L. Bean side of me that i will never be able to completely grow out of), headphones (the big goofy sony ones...on sale for $18 at target this week and they don't hurt my ears like the earbuds do!), the Sally Mann documentary "What Remains" (I basically want to be her, living on a farm and doing what she does is really my ultimate dream), reading (I'm still working my way through Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers its really great so far and I'm going back through and reading the theory books that I blew off when I shouldn't have, I really need to gain more perspective when it comes to talking about my art, so On Photography by Susan Sontag has been traveling around with me lately and I'm surprisingly making sense of it this time.) annie's cheddar bunnies (just eat them and you will become obsessed too), emergen-c (acai berry flavor) its a really nice purple color when mixed, being in the photo lab (i think i have nostalgia/addiction problems with this place right now. it really has become my home, plus I'm afraid of change and want to spend all the time i can where i feel most at home.)
I had to talk with some administrative people today about unfair grading for a certain class. The more I have to talk about it with other people and the more I see my work, the less I feel like I have, even though I know I grew tremendously as a person and an artist this semester. I need to learn how to have more confidence and how to defend my work. This is an on-going battle with myself that I am determined to conquer before starting my final semester.
I have been getting the "What is going to happen to you when you graduate?" question a lot. My response has become mindlessly droned out to all of these answer seekers, but in reality I really hope my plan comes true. The interview weekend in Maine is the first weekend of April, I have started to work on a portfolio and plan to make it for the next few months. I think I am more afraid of not being able to handle moving than of not getting the job. I need this more than anything, I have spent too many years here in Buffalo surrounded by the same stuff. I need to leave and experience something new I really just don't want to pull a freshman year sam and fuck it all up. I know I am strong enough this time around but the thought of that is the one thing that constantly haunts my mind. More so now that the reality of graduation is only 5 months away...
No Target again until Sunday, thankfully. I just need to spend the next few days devoting myself to making art. My schedule has become so messed up without having classes, I have no perception of time anymore. It also needs to snow more, these couple inches are such a tease, I'm excited for when it can be measured in feet.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Obsessions
The Semester is over, except for a a few projects that I need to finish up and my on-going experimentations for senior thesis. I've been really frustrated lately because I have been trapped in my head. I think I have good ideas but I feel stupid because I don't know how to explain how I feel about anything, I am just unable to formulate the words. I need to stop worrying about it because it makes it worse, but I just hate feeling so dumb.
I worked again at target today, it wasn't terrible. I just keep reminding myself how great it will be when I finally get a paycheck.
I'm sad that the semester is done, I like school and I always dread winter break. I always end up feeling like the only purpose I have during that month is to work, however this time I plan on spending a lot of time in the lab on my own work and making it a very productive break. Plus I have big plans to get back in shape, so lets see how that pans out...
So recently I have been obsessed with these things...
The Killers new cd "Day and Age"...I have just been listening to it over and over on repeat, I don't know what it is about them but they are fantastic I can't wait to see them in Boston in January. Also great album artwork on this new cd.
Ratatat...instrumental music is my first music love so obviously I'm addicted, plus its got that electronica feel which I'm into.
Interpol...the lead singers voice is so captivating, I can't stop listening. Plus they have a sick website, I'm really into their background photos which look like they were taken in a museum of natural history.
Owls, I still have all those cut outs from my field guide from earlier this semester I need to do something with them.
Coffee, I never used to be able to drink it and now I'm addicted. Its not about the caffeine, cause I know I can go a day without it, its just something about the experience of getting coffee, its a soothing event.
Snow, I'm so glad it finally got cold out, I love getting bundled up and seeing the ground all white. Which leads me to my recent obsession with wool sweaters, flannel shirts, tall socks and boots. I love everything about winter and winter clothes, and my mom's old school wool sweaters are my favorite things to wear right now, I just need to find a decent pair of boots because I walk like Ebenezer Scrooge in the ones I have recently been sporting.
I'm also infatuated with Sally Mann's work again.
4 x 5 Film, aesthetically I find it to be the most pleasing way for me to take photographs at the moment, though Holga is still up there as well. I need to shoot a lot more, I think I have some good ideas brewing around right now.
I think thats all I've got for now. Closing at target again tomorrow, visits would be awesome.
I worked again at target today, it wasn't terrible. I just keep reminding myself how great it will be when I finally get a paycheck.
I'm sad that the semester is done, I like school and I always dread winter break. I always end up feeling like the only purpose I have during that month is to work, however this time I plan on spending a lot of time in the lab on my own work and making it a very productive break. Plus I have big plans to get back in shape, so lets see how that pans out...
So recently I have been obsessed with these things...
The Killers new cd "Day and Age"...I have just been listening to it over and over on repeat, I don't know what it is about them but they are fantastic I can't wait to see them in Boston in January. Also great album artwork on this new cd.
Ratatat...instrumental music is my first music love so obviously I'm addicted, plus its got that electronica feel which I'm into.
Interpol...the lead singers voice is so captivating, I can't stop listening. Plus they have a sick website, I'm really into their background photos which look like they were taken in a museum of natural history.
Owls, I still have all those cut outs from my field guide from earlier this semester I need to do something with them.
Coffee, I never used to be able to drink it and now I'm addicted. Its not about the caffeine, cause I know I can go a day without it, its just something about the experience of getting coffee, its a soothing event.
Snow, I'm so glad it finally got cold out, I love getting bundled up and seeing the ground all white. Which leads me to my recent obsession with wool sweaters, flannel shirts, tall socks and boots. I love everything about winter and winter clothes, and my mom's old school wool sweaters are my favorite things to wear right now, I just need to find a decent pair of boots because I walk like Ebenezer Scrooge in the ones I have recently been sporting.
I'm also infatuated with Sally Mann's work again.
4 x 5 Film, aesthetically I find it to be the most pleasing way for me to take photographs at the moment, though Holga is still up there as well. I need to shoot a lot more, I think I have some good ideas brewing around right now.
I think thats all I've got for now. Closing at target again tomorrow, visits would be awesome.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday
So Target is really awesome and called me this morning to inform me that I was on the schedule from 8-4:45 and tomorrow from 3-11. I'm not supposed to start until friday so its great they most likely think I'm just being a big pain in the ass already. Ugh, it really just wasn't what I needed to start my week, its shitty enough I caught some sort of sickness and just want to sleep all the time. Oh well, besides that I was semi-productive this weekend. I cleaned out of my closet and I'm getting rid of all the clothes I never wear which in the end amounted to a pretty large pile, but it feels good to just clean it out. I'm sick of having a bunch of stuff that I have no use for. So I went out for the first time in a month and it was fun to see people however I'm really kinda over being out until 4 am, I can't afford to be spending money to drive down or drink and I'm just so damn tired all the time its ridiculous. Oh well, it was fun I missed the Pink and the friday night playlist.
I have a lot to get done from now until the end of the semester. View Camera, Senior Thesis and Book Design are all going to take up most of my time and who knows what the final is going to be for History of Graphic Design yet. I'm just worried about getting all my photos taken for view camera and thesis. At least I'm on a more solid track with my ideas right now. I can't wait for thanksgiving and to finish everything up.
I have a lot to get done from now until the end of the semester. View Camera, Senior Thesis and Book Design are all going to take up most of my time and who knows what the final is going to be for History of Graphic Design yet. I'm just worried about getting all my photos taken for view camera and thesis. At least I'm on a more solid track with my ideas right now. I can't wait for thanksgiving and to finish everything up.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Rat
This photo makes me miss my pet rats, Franklin and Otis were the first and when they passed we got Cooper, Berkeley Sebastian and George. He looks like Sebastian. Man despite the bad rap rats get, those guys were pretty awesome.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Monday
I like mondays because I only have one class but today has been a shit show. I didn't have anything to show for view camera, someone stole my UB card and spent the $20 I had left on it which sucks since its gonna cost me that much to get a new card. I have a book design project due tomorrow and i'm going to end up being up all night. I spent the whole weekend sleeping which I needed to do but I lost a lot of time where I should have been out shooting. At least I have gone running all but one day the last week and thats definitely a good feeling. I also got my job back at Target... first day being black friday... fantastic, at least I won't be poor anymore.
I can't believe there are only four weeks left in this semester. I will be glad to be done with school work but it scares me that I'm that much closer to graduating, it only took me an extra year. I'm finally really starting to appreciate photography so it will be nice to actually do stuff that I want to do instead of always thinking about school projects. I wish I had learned more technical stuff here though. Its all about the conceptual points and now I'm great at coming up with concepts but I have little technical knowledge and its really been my goal recently to learn everything I can. I've been super frustrated with things lately and find myself being lazy and not wanting to work on stuff just because I feel like I don't know anything, I need to stop that and I will. I need to stop worrying about the things that don't matter and really just focus on what I care about most right now which is photo.
I'm also going to Boston this weekend to visit my sister, I can't wait. Four days to shoot different surrounding will be a good change and I miss her so it will be fun to catch up. The little sister is sleeping over and hanging out at school with me tomorrow. It will be interesting to see what she thinks of this, since according to her she wants to go to school for photo as well.
Blah, if anyone catches the stealer of my UB card kick them for me. Thanks.
I can't believe there are only four weeks left in this semester. I will be glad to be done with school work but it scares me that I'm that much closer to graduating, it only took me an extra year. I'm finally really starting to appreciate photography so it will be nice to actually do stuff that I want to do instead of always thinking about school projects. I wish I had learned more technical stuff here though. Its all about the conceptual points and now I'm great at coming up with concepts but I have little technical knowledge and its really been my goal recently to learn everything I can. I've been super frustrated with things lately and find myself being lazy and not wanting to work on stuff just because I feel like I don't know anything, I need to stop that and I will. I need to stop worrying about the things that don't matter and really just focus on what I care about most right now which is photo.
I'm also going to Boston this weekend to visit my sister, I can't wait. Four days to shoot different surrounding will be a good change and I miss her so it will be fun to catch up. The little sister is sleeping over and hanging out at school with me tomorrow. It will be interesting to see what she thinks of this, since according to her she wants to go to school for photo as well.
Blah, if anyone catches the stealer of my UB card kick them for me. Thanks.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Photo Lab
Its really funny that the only time I really can't stand being in the photo lab is on Wednesdays from 3:30-10:30 when I actually have to be in here. Otherwise I live here. Ugh... I'm bored, I also really want some coffee.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Proof
Finally scanned this one in. Pretty much the only photo proof that I was in NYC last spring break, but it's fantastic evidence. I'm re-falling in love with my holga camera.
Photo
I'm trying to figure out what this photo means to me. It was kind of an accident but its probably the best digital photo i've taken in a long time.
Its cold out today. I hope it snows tonight. I need new shoes, pants and money. But i'm happier than i've been in a while because i'm actually really excited about photography right now. Go holgas/film cameras!
Its cold out today. I hope it snows tonight. I need new shoes, pants and money. But i'm happier than i've been in a while because i'm actually really excited about photography right now. Go holgas/film cameras!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Another Drawing
Finished another drawing for book design...its kinda ridiculous but whatever I enjoy it.
Night Photos
So despite being cold whiny upset and bitchy last night I'm happy that we went to take photos. Night view camera pictures are kind of amazing and i'm really glad my friends know how to motivate me. I'm pretty excited about these.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Excerpts from my mind...
Its kinda cliche but I really can't believe its senior year of school. Though its my 5th year and I should have moved on already I feel like college just went by way too fast. This semester has made me really regret being such a bum the last few years, we're already half way through fall term and its pretty much been the best few months ever, especially this week for some reason. I feel like i've just started to appreciate my major, school, friends and my life in general so much.
I need a job. I'm so in debt it freaks me out and the fact I can't even buy gas without going home to beg my parents for money scares the shit out of me. I have to go back to target and thats is kind of a death sentence for me but i guess the paycheck will be worth it.
I am working on figuring out my art. I was just having a conversation with a friend about how we both have great ideas but its like we don't know how to show them. I spend so much time looking at different artists and seeing what they do that I feel like most of my stuff has been done and I can't show it without being seen as a copier. I really just need to be more confident with my ideas because without taking chances and being afraid of failure I will never be able to do anything I can be proud of.
Yesterday I went to the WNY book arts collaborative and it was pretty awesome. I'm really excited to go back and help them get it all together. Being there really made me wish I spent more time down in the print labs. All of the stuff we've been looking at in book design, going to WNYBAC, talking to drive by press and seeing what other friends are doing makes me want to learn all about print making. I think handmade art is fantastic and spending all my time taking photo classes was great but I wish i had the courage to attempt to make the stuff I have always been interested in.
Back to photography... driving around Buffalo reignites my love for architecture of all kinds. I need some motivation to go out and just photograph what I see because I'm basically in lust for all things built in and around Buffalo. However, I've recently realized documentary photography is something I definitely want to get into. My frustration with my camera has been diminishing and my whole obsession with the moment not photographed has quickly become an obsession with the fact that a photo has the ability to stop time and I have been finding a lot of moments in my life need to be captured.
I need a job. I'm so in debt it freaks me out and the fact I can't even buy gas without going home to beg my parents for money scares the shit out of me. I have to go back to target and thats is kind of a death sentence for me but i guess the paycheck will be worth it.
I am working on figuring out my art. I was just having a conversation with a friend about how we both have great ideas but its like we don't know how to show them. I spend so much time looking at different artists and seeing what they do that I feel like most of my stuff has been done and I can't show it without being seen as a copier. I really just need to be more confident with my ideas because without taking chances and being afraid of failure I will never be able to do anything I can be proud of.
Yesterday I went to the WNY book arts collaborative and it was pretty awesome. I'm really excited to go back and help them get it all together. Being there really made me wish I spent more time down in the print labs. All of the stuff we've been looking at in book design, going to WNYBAC, talking to drive by press and seeing what other friends are doing makes me want to learn all about print making. I think handmade art is fantastic and spending all my time taking photo classes was great but I wish i had the courage to attempt to make the stuff I have always been interested in.
Back to photography... driving around Buffalo reignites my love for architecture of all kinds. I need some motivation to go out and just photograph what I see because I'm basically in lust for all things built in and around Buffalo. However, I've recently realized documentary photography is something I definitely want to get into. My frustration with my camera has been diminishing and my whole obsession with the moment not photographed has quickly become an obsession with the fact that a photo has the ability to stop time and I have been finding a lot of moments in my life need to be captured.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Drawing + Darkroom
This is for book design, its already been painted over again but its one of the first attempts at drawing i've had in a while so i like it. Drawing is quickly becoming one my new favorite things. Along with being obsessed with film and the darkroom. Hopefully more will become of that in the near future despite the attempts by the photo department to stay away from the archaic ideas of darkroom photography. What I think is that its important to know the roots of something and the root of being artistic in my mind is drawing because that is the first artistic thing you learn as a child and darkroom photography is one of the original forms of photography so right now i'm grasping at the roots.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Life
Why can't I just get my shit together? I seriously need a kick in the ass. I'm taking interesting classes and have good ideas I don't know how to get my thoughts together. Senior thesis might kill me, I don't know what the hell i'm going to do for it.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I don't know
If I say I don't know anymore i'm going to freak out. Why can't i think straight anymore ever. I feel like my head is going to explode. I'm too real for my own good. Someone seriously needs to punch me.
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Excuse
So pathetically and as per usual I didn't keep up with my promise to work on photography at all this summer. Its ridiculous how unmotivated I can be. Part of my excuse is that my macbook crashed and burned on July 3, 2008 deleteing my thousands of photos that I stupidly never backed up. I still havn't delt with the situation but hopefully I will have my computer working some point in the next week and I honestly promise to actually work on photography more.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
rising above
In an attempt to overcome my discouragement with photography I am making an effort to spend at least a small part of my day doing something with photography and posting the results.
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